I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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