How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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