once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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