It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
