can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
