OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
