I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
