Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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