in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
