Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
