I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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