I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize