I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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