the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
