YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
