Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
