at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
