I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's blow job season.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
