I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
