we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
