she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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