I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
