Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
