I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
