I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
