Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
