its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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