I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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