so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
