she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
