Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
