It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
