his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
