If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
