Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
