If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
