I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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