i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
