What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
