Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
