somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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