You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
