i think my mom watched the whole time
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
