Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
