Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
