So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
