WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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