Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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