I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
