Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
