wanna go halves on a baby?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
do herpes really smell.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
