He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
two words...techno handjob
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
