2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
