Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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