i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
