what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
