Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
