I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize