I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
