guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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