Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
