i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
