some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
