I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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