Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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