I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
