Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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