Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Its about making memories worth repressing
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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