Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
