2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
