I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
