Pappa wants mamma naked
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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