I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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