saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
worst night to have a conscience
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
