I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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