Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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