I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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