Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize