swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
