hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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