She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
