i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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