Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
