Sponge bath it is.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
