No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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