True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
