You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
