I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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