He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
