if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize