I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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