He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
